I’ve dubbed Wednesdays “Gratitude Wednesday” on Facebook.

Every week, my first status of the day on Wednesday is something like “Hooray! It’s Gratitude Wednesday, again.  For what or whom are you grateful today?”

A little tardy one week posting this status, I knew people had come to expect and appreciate this question (and the answers others posted) when a friend messaged me with “Uh, Tshombe.  It’s Wednesday.”

My Facebook friends keep me on my toes!

Another friend of mine sent me an article explaining how gratitude makes us healthier.

Clearly, there are many reasons to make feeling grateful and expressing gratitude as regular and intentional as eating right, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

But, what if gratitude is eluding you?

What if it’s becoming too much work?

I think there are at least two reasons gratitude can be a challenge for us, one of which is largely unconscious because it goes against commonly-held (but erroneous, in my view) notions of why and how to be grateful.

I specifically wrote about this first reason 2 years ago in the article Why gratitude may not be working for you.

It’s the philosophy behind a statement like “You should be grateful for the abundance of food on your plate because there are starving people in Africa.”

This is inaccurate reasoning for at least 2 reasons.

1. If this were true, then the inverse would also be true:  “If there were not starving people in Africa, you shouldn’t (or wouldn’t have a need to) be grateful,” and
2. The definition of pure gratitude is acknowledging and feeling celebratory about/toward the good that has already come to you. It doesn’t come out of comparing what you have in relation to what another does not have.

If you’re finding being grateful challenging, inauthentic, or at best temporary, this may be at the root.  Gratitude and guilt cannot coexist.

The other reason gratitude may be challenging or feel like too much work to achieve is related to a misunderstanding of what it means to manage emotional states of being.

A colleague of mine is currently doing a series on Gratitude for the month of November and she received a comment from one of her followers on Facebook who expressed that, although he was well-versed in the “theory” of gratitude, ” ‘Faking it until you make it’ feels like deep lying when the gut is wrenched in anger!”

I can understand that.

Since all of us spontaneously generate thousands upon thousands of thoughts every day, the majority of which we are not even aware of, it’s not reasonable to believe that in every moment we can somehow raise ourselves out of depression by thinking ourselves happy.

So, what can we do to get into a place where we feel grateful when we’re not feeling grateful right now?

Try on this exercise:

When in your life DID you feel grateful?  What were the circumstances?  How were you standing?  breathing?

How did that feel?

As you really get into the emotional memory, realize that you are remembering it right now.  Whatever that gratitude felt like then, call those feelings forward in this moment.

This is just a brief example of a very powerful exercise where you can borrow a memory from the past, “chew on it” in the present, and then call up the associated emotions.

Doesn’t that feel great?

(In my view, this is what is meant by the NLP exhortation to “Act as if.”  For more information, read What “Act As If” really means and how to do it.)

You actually have practice with this already.  Unfortunately, human beings are quite adept at borrowing bad-feeling memories from their past so that they can recreate those events and associated feelings in their present.

Why not use this skill on purpose (rather than by default) to generate the feelings you desire?

Later in our exchange, the man offered that it was actually inappropriate to try to change the feeling we are currently experiencing to a “better” feeling, because in so doing, we fail to receive the wisdom ‘The Universe’ is trying to teach us.

Sometimes, we “spiritual folk” complicate things for ourselves!

Yes, he is correct.  Resistance to any emotion causes it to get “stuck,” even when we might think we’ve managed to think positively in “negative” experiences.

Thinking positively may make you more enjoyable to be around, but if you are resisting your “bad” feeling emotions, it is predictable that achieving lasting gratitude is/will be a challenge for you.

Contrary to what the gentleman who was having trouble feeling grateful thought, I am not suggesting that you try to change your feelings.  Instead, the suggestion is to allow your feelings, and only after allowing them, move on to another one (in this case, gratitude.)

Emotions are meant to be transitory.  We have a whole range of emotions available to us the remarkable human beings that we are.  The problem is that we not only observe, recognize, and experience our range of emotions, but to varying degrees, we label them as good or bad depending on their level of comfort.

We can’t think ourselves grateful, although “thinking” plays a significant role in gratitude.

What we can do is notice we are feeling angry, depressed, sad, disenchanted, or any other so-called “negative” emotion; feel it fully; and even perhaps send love to it, as we recognize it as legitimate as any other good-feeling emotion.

What we’re doing is allowing the emotion to flow through us, not get stuck in us.

All that any emotion wants (just like any human being) is to be acknowledged and validated, not ignored or suppressed.

I’ve used feelings and emotions interchangeably here, but to make a slight distinction, I offer that once emotions get (and continue to get) stuck because we keep suppressing them in favor of something that feels better to us, they become feelings.

This means we become attached or identified with the feelings, and now they become who we are.  So, instead of feeling angry, we become an angry person.

Clearly, holding onto any emotion is not healthy.

When we feel a feeling fully, it opens up a clear space to create something new.  Now, we are open to actually see and feel gratitude.

When a feeling/emotion is allowed to flow through us, there is little-to-no difficulty moving  to another emotion; no system or formula is needed because (when permitted) flow is the natural order of things when it comes to emotions.

However, sometimes exercises can be of help.  This is why I offered the exercise where you borrow the emotion you desire to cultivate in the moment by engaging your powerful brain’s capacity to conjure up the memories when you experienced the emotion in the past.

Does that make sense?

In sum, pure gratitude is not dependent on the lack someone else may be experiencing.  You may not have considered this before, but it can very well be the reason gratitude remains illusive or seems “fake.”

Secondly, it may appear to be a whole lot of work for you because you have been resisting “bad” feelings.  You’ve been struggling to think happy thoughts because that’s what you “should” be doing, not because you actually feel happy.  Ironically, by repressing what is bothering you, you are setting up resistance to true, lasting gratitude.

Being grateful and expressing gratitude doesn’t have to be work or feel incongruent, but it does take intentionality and effort (at least initially).

As you practice being grateful – and perhaps using the exercise here to help you in the process – let me know how it’s going for you in terms of ease and flow.

Do you already have a practice that facilitates feelings of gratitude?

Please share in the comments!

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flickr license: Some rights reserved by SnoShuu

You have a service that can really help people to improve the quality of their lives.

You’re working hard.

Because you are not seeing fruit from your labors, you are naturally discouraged.  Maybe you start to wonder whether this selling thing is really your thing.

Maybe you just aren’t cut out to be an entrepreneur.

Yes, we get discouraged, depressed.

But, don’t lose heart!

We need you to keep on keepin’ on.  The people you are meant to serve are looking for you, even if right now it doesn’t feel like it.

“The darkest hour is just before the dawn.”

Several years ago, I was talking with my sister about the exercise program and healthy-eating plan she had just begun.

She was getting discouraged because she wasn’t seeing any real progress on the scale.

I told her to stop looking at the scale (I really was thinking she’d be better off throwing it into the ocean!) because it didn’t accurately tell her the true story.

In fact, it kept telling her she hadn’t lost a thing, and some days (God forbid!) it told her she’d gained a pound or two.

Have you ever had this experience?

The truth is that eating the right foods in the right amounts, along with cardiovascular exercise and strength training may actually maintain or even increase scale weight when improvement has in reality been made in both heart health and weight (fat) loss.

In other words, you’ve got to believe you’re becoming healthier when you are eating healthily and exercising even when there is no external evidence or confirmation of the fact.

And, EVEN if it appears contradictory in the moment.

What does that have to do with you and me in our spiritually-oriented businesses we are growing?

It may be that we might need to adjust our approach or get coaching or additional training, if what we are doing is not working.

(Investing in coaching and continuing education is essential, by the way, in any case.)

That said, it does not mean to give up and quit on your dreams!

A teacher friend of mine once said that when we give up on our own dreams we give permission for others to give up on theirs.

Who wants that on their hands?

Let me tell you another brief story.

When I was living in Bellingham, Washington, I planted some flower bulbs in a pot on the deck of my apartment.  I used quality soil, and I made sure the bulbs had full sun and adequate water.

The funny thing is that the next day when I went out to look at the pot, there still weren’t any flowers.

Same story the day after that.

AND the day after that.

Truth be told, it was a couple of weeks before I noticed the first green sprout.

Wouldn’t you think it a little ridiculous if I gave up after a couple of days and through the pot out, convinced that nothing was happening and pissed off that there were no flowers, yet?

We don’t have difficulty understanding that growth is actually occurring even though the present reality would have us think otherwise, as far as planting a seed or a bulb is concerned.

Why do we have such a hard time when we are working toward losing weight or growing our business or achieving any other measure of success or joy or happiness?

Know that 90% of everything in the world is created long before you or I see any physical evidence of it.

To turn a saying on its head “You’ve got to believe it in order to see it.”

It reminds me of a verse from the days when I was a student of the bible, Hebrews 11:1.

Maybe you know it?

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (New International Version)

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Revised Standard Version)

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld.” (New World Translation)

For spiritual and heart-centered sales professionals and entrepreneurs, we have a change-the-world vision as the reason for what we are up to in the world.

Allow THAT to call you forth powerfully through the challenges, disappointments, discouragements rather than trusting in the illusory mirage our eyes would have us believe.

The world needs you.

I need you.

That’s why you’re here.

And, that’s why you must never, ever give up.

What luck!  You make the best double chocolate chip brownies on the planet, so you proceed to whip up your famous recipe from scratch, carefully remembering to omit the nuts.  You also pick up some coffee from a local roaster.

As your guests arrives, they are greeted with the intoxicating aroma of freshly-baked brownies.

They sit down at the coffee table you’ve graciously prepared for them, and you serve them the freshly-brewed, local coffee.

They love it!

AND they love YOU.

The conversation is grand and inspiring, as you show genuine interest in what’s up in your guests’ world.

You tell them all about the fabulous brownies you baked just for them, all the fresh and organic ingredients you used, and the care you took to make sure they contained no nuts.

When they asked about if you’d made them for others in the past, you humbly answered yes, and how you had to keep all the windows and doors shut tight in the house with this batch, for fear the whole neighborhood who come ’round expecting to eat up all the brownies!

You pour them another cup of coffee.

And, suddenly, you start doubting yourself.

Are they just acting like the like double chocolate chip brownies and they really don’t?  What if they don’t like MY brownies I made just for them?

When they leave, will they tell their friends how I went on-and-on about my brownies and twisted their arm to get them to eat them?

Time’s up.  Your guests have to leave.

Knot in your stomach, you don’t even offer your guests the brownies you prepared specially for them.

Why?

You’re afraid of what they might think.

Sound ridiculous?

Yet, it’s a challenge faced by entrepreneurs and sales professionals all the time, and it occurs when we are focused on ourselves and the imaginary conversations in our heads, rather than on serving others, specifically our ideal prospects and clients.

Coach Molly Gordon of AuthenticPromotion.com described how this very thing happened to her in an article titled “Are your just-right clients wishing you’d ask them to the prom?”

She describes how she was having a blast giving tons of valuable content to a group of her “just-right” prospects gathered to listen and view her no-charge webinar.

Molly writes, “So long as I was in giving mode, it went fine,” but when it came time for her to invite them to take the next step with her for a fee, she admits “I was so preoccupied with what people would think that I lost touch with what would best serve them.”

Does this experience sound familiar to you?

For some reason, many (most?) of us operate from the assumption that once we ask for the sale we go from giving to taking.

If that was all there was to it, that might be OK.  But, notice that Molly recognized that when she was in “giving mode,” everything went well, but when it was time to transition to the selling conversation, “I fumbled the invitation.”

At least in this moment, it was the judgment piece that got Molly into trouble.  She judged giving as good and taking as bad.

And, who wants to look bad in front of prospective clients?

So, the one shift that we all need to make is primarily the evaluative one, that giving and taking are at opposite poles of an arbitrary value system.  The fact of the matter is, giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.

You might say, then, that the selling conversation — properly executed out of right intention (just like the brownies you made especially for those specific guests) — IS giving.  In other words, making an offer following sharing great free content is simply an extension of the giving you’ve been doing all along.

I invite you to read Molly’s beautifully-written article for yourself, but there’s another key component I’d like to highlight to offer a different, empowering perspective.

Referencing her self-described ‘fumbled invitation,’ Molly surmises:

Over 100 people who had said they were interested never really got to consider the offer I was making. I didn’t even give them a chance to think about it and say no.

I decided not to risk rejection, and that cost all of us.

You didn’t give them the chance to say no?  Why choose that thought?

By allowing herself to leave “giving mode,” what Molly (and maybe you?) really didn’t do was give those people waiting for her to ask them to the prom the opportunity to say YES.

And, since when does the possibility of someone saying “No” mean risking rejection, anyway?

If you made my favorite double chocolate chip brownies (This is hypothetical, by the way.  Double chocolate chip brownies are not my favorite!) and then offered me some (with locally-roasted coffee, of course), but I said “Oh, no thank you,” does that mean I rejected you?

No.  Absolutely not.

It just means (for the time being, at least) I don’t want any brownies.

You know your products and services are perfect for your “just-right clients.” don’t you?

You know they will help transform and support their lives, their businesses, their relationships, don’t you?

Then, stop standing on the sidelines of your life, imagining what people are thinking of you.

Get out there and sell your brownies!

At the very least, when you’re NOT feeling motivated, the accountability partner is a built-in incentive to do it anyway.

My good friend and Mastermind Partner Caelan Huntress and I have decided to start our first day of P90X tomorrow, the fitness program designed by Tony Horton of Beachbody.com.

(Shameless Plug:  By the way, if you’d like to purchase any of the Beachbody fitness programs or nutritional supplements – like Shakeology –, be sure to access them via my site , as I am a Coach for Beachbody.)

We committed to each other that we would hold each other accountable to completing our daily workouts.

Today was our get-ready day.

We took Before pics and video, took our measurements and calculated our body fat percentage (I can’t believe I’m at 16.11% or 18.6% – two different methods yield the different results — Are you SURE you didn’t make a mistake, Caelan? LOL), and successfully completed the P90X Fit Test.

We also plan to post regularly online our progress.

How’s that for accountability?

The same holds true in business, wouldn’t you agree?

There are probably some super-amazing folks out there who are perpetually self-motivated, who do not know the meaning of procrastination or falling off the wagon.

Most of us, however, need accountability structures to support us in keeping in integrity with what we say is important to us.

After all, nothing great is ever accomplished alone.

What are you up to in your life and in your business?

Who makes up your success network of support and accountability?

(Hey Tony?  Are you reading this?  So, when are you and I getting a picture together?  Hmm?)

I was just talking to a friend of mine about something I’d just read and that I wanted to send him the source, but I couldn’t remember whether I’d read it on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, somebody’s blog, or some other online source.

Or, the overload could simply be a product of poor filtering of what’s meaningful and relevant to us.

Of course, for that to be true, we’d have to be clear on what is meaningful and relevant to us, wouldn’t we?

Last year, my friend David Billings — the brilliant creative behind Sparky Firepants — took a month-long hiatus from Twitter.

This week, the Introvert Entrepreneur Beth Beulow, has proclaimed this week a “social media sabbatical,” which to her means no Facebook or Twitter.

Perhaps it’s time for you to enjoy your own Information Fast?

If you’re ready to take the plunge, here are my 4 suggestions to maximize the benefit during and after your Information Fast (of whatever duration you choose, preferably at least a week):

1. Enumerate all of your Information Inputs:  Write down every source of information that you are exposed to, whether it comes automatically (via an RSS feed for example or your home page when you open a web browser) or you access voluntarily.  This includes eLists and offline magazines.
2. Turn Everything Off.  If your habit is to read the paper first thing in the morning or to flip on the TV or radio to listen to the news, you may need to prepare ahead of time to manage your “fast.”  If practical, you might suspend (or even cancel altogether) subscriptions for the duration of this experiment.  If your podcast has business or productivity programs, switch it up to your favorite music.
3. Ruthlessly Unsubscribe from eLists.  I know this is difficult for some people, but you know you don’t read all those eLetters anyway.  Remember, you can always re-subscribe if you really miss the fabulous content
4. Enumerate All the Things Your Love to Do.  These often also fall into the category of “Things I never have time to do.”   Information Overload is like a cluttered environment.  Once you clean up your mental space, suddenly you open up space to pursue your other interests.

I guess there’s also a 5th step, and that is to evaluate your level of overload at the end of your Information Fast as compared to before you began.

You’ll undoubtedly find yourself feeling more balanced, as you strategically add back into your life only that which is relevant and meaning to you.

Whether it’s fear of success or fear of failure (or inadequacy) that keeps us from pursuing our dreams and becoming all that we are meant to be, Marianne’s words of love and wisdom still ring true.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Do these comments inspire you?  What do they mean to you?

What impact have they had on you, and how you’ve handled fear of failure or fear of success?

How might these words support you as a sales professional or entrepreneur?

And, not just a trickle!

We’re talking a consistent inflow of Ideal Clients that energize and refreshed you, clients who you have to pinch yourself and say “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!”

The challenge for many of us is actually getting that magnetic flow started in the first place and then sustaining it over the life of our business in a way that inspires us and those we are meant to serve.

That’s why I am super-excited that one of my friends and mentors, Michael Port, will be a Guest Expert for Prospectpalooza! this Thursday, April 14 at 10 am Pacific / 1 pm Eastern.

The topic of the interview is how to identify your target market and ideal clients in order to attract the perfect leads, how that’s the simplest, easiest, and fastest way to generate qualified leads, close more sales, and make more money.  What Michael teaches is simple and even fun to learn and implement.

I was recently sharing with a client Michael’s progression over the years as a Magnetic Entrepreneur as a model for what my she also could achieve.

For example, marketers talk about the service professional’s product & services business model, where prospects and leads are systematically conducted through investable opportunities as a logical way for them to come to know, like and trust you.

I shared with this client how over the years, I actually went through Michael’s system in pretty much a step-by-step fashion, from special report to 3-CD set (apparently now unavailable.  I guess mine just may be a collector’s item!) to the Think Big Revolution to Live Event (in Vancouver, British Columbia) to 15-week Intensive to buying his first book and participating in its Cinco de Mayo Amazon Launch, and so on.

How would you like to have your ideal clients to naturally be attracted to you and your various investable opportunities?

What if, instead of nervously anticipating the future of your business, you knew exactly how to create a steadily booked solid business, filled with ideal clients?

This complimentary tele-interview is just for you!

Here are the details:

WHAT:  Tele-Interview with Michael Port on How to Book Yourself Solid

WHEN:  Thursday, April 14, 2011 at 10 am Pacific / 1 pm Eastern

WHERE:  Your Telephone

=> Dial: 712-432-3100

=> Enter: Access Code 174809

There is no cost for this LIVE interview, and there is nothing to opt-into, as Michael’s tele-interview is part of the celebration we’re calling Prospectpalooza!

(You should note, however, that registration is required in order to receive the replay recording of the interview.  If that is important to you, register at http://Prospectpalooza.com.)

To get a taste of the actual outcomes in store for you, in just 60 minutes, Michael (known as “The one to call when you’re tired of thinking small”) will show you:

• Why most marketing for the service professional doesn’t work and what to do about it.
• How to get hired by only the most ideal clients so you fall in love with marketing and selling.
• The 3 things you need to develop your personal brand so you decide how you’re known.
• How to talk about what you do without sounding confusing or bland – and without using an elevator speech.
• PLUS, answers to your most pressing questions!

I consider Michael a friend and I am delighted to share him with you for this special interview.  You’re going to love this tele-interview!

See you on the call!

There’s no escaping that, as a bi-product of being human, everyone of us experiences times of struggling, periods of self-doubt, and bouts of insecurity and even depression.

If you are an entrepreneur or salesperson, I think this is all the more true.

I find that with sales professionals in particular, the (self-imposed) pressure is intensified because they often feel they have to project an image of self-confidence in every moment, pretending that everything is awesome, even when it isn’t very awesome.

If you’re reading this blog, I know you are attracted to the concept of being a ‘Magnetic Entrepreneur,’ where clients and projects and opportunities are easily attracted to you.

While I believe that you and I are both magnetic, that flow in business and in life is the natural order of things, when we feel stuck in self-esteem issues or “stuff” happens in our life that threatens to derail us, and the prospects and clients don’t seem to be coming very easily, we may seriously question all this flow-attraction-magnetic stuff.

That’s why those who remain on top of their game in business and sales regularly guard what goes into their minds.  They actively and consistently read and listen to that which inspires them, and they surround themselves with supportive, on-the-move friends, colleagues and mentors.

These supportive friends, colleagues and mentors remind us of our value when we ourselves have forgotten.

This is because it’s just too easy to slip into thoughts and habitual patterns of being that are not supportive of the performance they desire in life and work.

I’ve previously discussed how remembering our value and boosting our self-esteem supports performance in the article on releasing The Rapuzel Complex.

I’d like to share with you today another story that I hope inspires you as much as it inspired me, a story that you can refer to when perhaps you’re not feeling in the moment very magnetic.

My storytelling here may not compare with the impact it had on me when Dõv Baron told it (on March 30, 2007 at his live 3-day event, called Attracting Force), but I hope you get the essence.

The year was 1957, and a new highway was slated to be built in the far East, right through the city of Bangkok, Thailand. The only problem was that there was a monastery in the way, and in the monastery was a hand carved and exquisitely hand painted Buddha.

It became clear that both monastery and Buddha would have to be moved to make way for the development of this highway.

Slowly and carefully, a group of monks hoisted hand sculpted Buddha with a crane to move it to its new location. Rainy and muddy, moving the centuries-old Buddha that weighed several tons was not an easy task. In fact, the great weight of the Buddha caused it to begin to slip off the crane into the mud. When it began to crack, the head monk commanded that the Buddha immediately be lowered to the ground. They left it in the mud, but covered it with a tarp in order to protect it and keep it dry.

Everyone went to sleep for the night. Except for the head monk. Tossing and turning, he worried about the safety of this most precious statue. In fact, the monk received a powerful vision that this Buddha was divinely inspired. Nothing must happen to it.

So he got up to check on the Buddha. Shining a light into the crack, the head monk was startled to discover a glint of light shining back at him.

Surprised by his own eyes, he went to get the other monks so that they could check out this phenomenon. They, too, were astonished to discover brilliant light pouring back out from the crack in the Buddha.

They made a decision. The monks would chisel the rest of the clay plaster that appeared to be hiding something underneath. They did this with care and diligence.

With the disturbance of each piece of plaster, more of the Buddha’s brilliance reflected back at the men. After hours and hours of tireless work, what was revealed was not simply a delicately-carved clay statue. They uncovered something far more precious. Standing before them was a magnificent, extraordinary Buddha of pure gold.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in China?

Well, YOU are the golden Buddha.

You’ve just been covered in clay, such that your brilliance is unknown to you.  You may even have a tendency to deny what’s magnificent about you even when it is pointed out to you.

When will you discover that beneath the weather and the wear and the cracks and the mud and the clay is you, brilliant you of gold?

If you believe in your product or service, and the value it gives to the lives of those for whom it is especially designed for, stand tall and unapologetically promote your offering.  The alternative is to shrink back and feed yourself and others reasons why you aren’t good enough or valuable enough to sell your products or services.

When you do that — make excuses why you cannot live your dream because you’ve chosen to remain encased in your facade of clay — you support others in also denying their dreams.

And, who wants that on their hands?!

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license (both images): Some rights reserved by elmar

For some of us, we feel it daily.

When we find ourselves in such situations, performance experts and NLP practitioners offer the advice to “Act as if” we were totally confident, completely assured of the outcome.

In a recent article on this blog, I explain what “Act as if” really means and how anyone can use it to manage their emotional states to increase the likelihood of achieving their desired result.

My intention for today’s post is to offer a real-life, personal example that might further illustrate how to employ this powerful technique because sometimes when we are caught up in the moment with debilitating fear or thoughts of inadequacy, we can forget that we have tools readily available to support us.

So, it was the second day of August 2007 and my partner — the poet and English instructor, Chad Helder — was chosen to “open” for the well-established poet (and teacher), James Hoch.

To be sure, James Hoch is brilliant and writes brilliant, heart-stopping poetry.  What an honor for Chad to be able to open for him!  For the occasion, at 7 pm Pacific Time, Chad had prepared several poems to share with the assembled, some of which he had never publicly read before.

Chad called me on this day to tell me that he was exceedingly nervous.

Can you relate?

It’s the age-old, familiar feeling of stage fright — and along with it the feelings of inadequacy and not-good-enough syndrome.

I offered to Chad what has worked for me.

“What if you think of each of your poems as a gift to the audience?  How would that feel?”

This helps me because I immediately access in my imagination the joy and anticipation I’ve felt in the past when someone was unwrapping a gift I had given them.  I had given great thought and taken great care to find just the right gift that I knew they’d love, and now they were unwrapping it.

This way the focus is off me and instead on them, on how I can serve and bring joy to another.

That suggestion seemed to resonate with Chad.  I could hear relief in his voice.

“You might even say just that to the audience when you are introduced,” I added.  “Something like, ‘I’m so grateful to be here to open for James Hoch tonight, and I want to thank you for the opportunity.  It gives me the opportunity to offer a gift to you.  Each of my poems as I read them and you take them in are as if you are unwrapping and honoring each of my gifts to you.’ ”

“Wow,” Chad said.  “That feels good.  I can right now remember other successful poetry readings I’ve done and access those positive feelings.”

I asked Chad to really savor those feelings and those memories — anchor them, as it were — by asking himself how that feeling looks, tastes, feels, smells, sounds, so that when he approached the stage he would take with him not only his own power but also the consciousness that he is there to share his soul and to offer his thoughtful and loving gifts.

Suppose you were to add a similar exercise to your prep routine before making a sales call?  Or, when preparing to attend a networking event?  Or, before you approach a senior sales coach or business professional you admire to ask for feedback or support?

What memory — complete with all of the sensory data of that experience — can you borrow from the past to empower you in the present moment?

Can you feel how this exercise would absolutely support you in calming “stage fright” or performance anxiety?

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image license: Some rights reserved by G.I. Folk

Or, maybe it’s just my brain.

Even as I sit here typing away, thoughts in my brain are going a mile a minute — and probably faster than that, if you take into account the thoughts I am not even aware I am thinking.

The deal is I think too much.

The fields of personal development — though well-meaning and actually helpful to a certain extent — tend to compound the confusion.

For example, Napolean Hill’s ubiquitous best-selling book Think and Grow Rich implies by its very title that how and what we think is what determines our results in life.

Several years ago, I had the amazing privilege of attending T. Harv Eker’s “Millionaire Mind Intensive” shortly after reading his Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.  Still, very clearly in that 3-day (very intensive) seminar (and also in the book) was revealed the Process of Manifestation:  “Thoughts lead to Feelings which lead to Actions which equal Results,” or T + F + A = R.

This is not the whole truth.  In fact, without careful consideration, this can be outright misleading.Which is why so many can think all day long “I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich” or “I’m healthy, I’m healthy, I’m healthy” or “I’m full, I’m full, I’m full” and find themselves in the end poor, sick, and hungry.

As a result, they conclude that this Law of Attraction business is just another crock of BS, suitable for the compost pile.

The missing piece here is that thoughts do not spring from nowhere.  Thoughts can and do lead to feelings, but where do the thoughts come from?

Back in spring 2007, my spiritual teacher, Joe Nunziata, was presented with this chicken-or-egg question at a conference in California.  In this case, the question was “What comes first, the thought or the feeling?”

His answer?

Everything is generated first by the feeling.  Thought does not exist without the unconscious feeling — which is why so many of us are running around thinking in the linear way we do, taking massive conscious action and wondering why there are little or no results.

It boils down to the feelings, the emotions.  They sponsor the thoughts, which in turn start the cycle of manifestation.

Unfortunately, what we’re manifesting may not be what we consciously think we want.  That’s because most often our true feelings are steeped in guilt, fear, and resistance — all of which are largely unconscious.

We get caught up into the shoulda, woulda, couldas rather than full, unconditional acceptance and love for who we are in every moment.

Since the key to real and lasting success (as personally and subjectively defined) lies in daring to go deep to uncover and exorcise unconscious emotions, how do we release ourselves from (over)thinking to move to more feeling?

I think awareness that there is more to it than simply thinking ourselves happy is the first step.  Then, there must be an openness and willingness to go places we may find downright uncomfortable.

Are you ready for that?

I suppose we are all as ready as we are willing in any given moment.  It’s a ongoing process of unfolding, opening.

And, I’m learning that this process of self-discovery and growth is a LOT harder than I thought.  But it is also very, very rewarding.

I hope you’ll join me on the journey.  Check out Joe Nunziata and his teaching and coaching programs to see if they resonate with you.  You’ll find Joe’s compassionate, no-holds-barred approach is both challenging and refreshing.

In fact, one of his most powerful is called No More Mental Barriers (which really are EMOTIONAL barriers!), which I myself have invested in.  If you decide it’s just the thing you need right now, let me know what you think (i.e. feel!)

And tell Joe Tshombe sent you.

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