I think that’s completely untrue.

People love to buy, which means they love being sold.

What they really mean when they say they hate being sold is they hate feeling pressured to buy something they don’t need or want.

Or, even if they might need whatever it is they are selling, if they get even the slightest whiff that the salesperson is only out to get something from them, the walls of resistance and objection immediately go up.

No one likes to feel suffocated.  Neither does anyone like to be chased (or worn) down until they finally fork over their money.

So, at best, the consumer perception is that sales professionals are a necessary evil.

Despite what they may try to project, many sales people themselves aren’t particularly fond of their customers.  In this Internet Information Age, people are more and more educated and the assumption (which you’ve undoubtedly heard if you’ve been in sales for any length of time) is that “Buyers are Liars.”

This presents something of a dilemma for the spiritual, magnetic entrepreneur — who also necessarily is a sales professional.  They strive to approach sales and marketing from the perspective of positive energy exchange, where both parties are enhanced when the marketing and sales processes are employed.

And even they in times of stress (when you “need” to make the sale to pay the rent or the mortgage, for example) are tempted to resort to this adversarial relationship between sales person and client/customer.

Thinking of these things reminds me that we sales professionals need to be alert and conscious that our intentions and actions are congruent with a progressive, spiritual paradigm of marketing and sales.  The traditional model has effectively dishonored both buyer and seller for centuries.  It’s led to this perpetual tension between salespeople and customers (“Salespeople are all Proverbial Used Car Sales People only out for themselves” and “All Buyers are Liars.”) that is present in the Collective Imagination long before anyone opens their mouths.

With these thoughts swirling around in my head, I watched the following short clip on YouTube of Mike Moore (of Making Customers, Inc.) giving a training lesson about this very thing.

The clip is only 1 minute 38 seconds long but still makes a powerful point:

What more can you and I consciously do to move toward a more empowering and powerful relationship with our leads, prospects, clients and customers?

- – -
Image by NASA Goddard Photo and Video, under a Creative Commons license

I, for my part, am a Sun Worshiper, so I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the sun’s rays….especially given the LONG winter we’ve had here in the Pacific Northwest.

We were talking about taxes and how my parter and I were surprised, having recently moved to Portland, that income tax is assessed on ALL income, no matter where in the world it is earned.  For example, both my partner and I have employment outside the State of Oregon but because we live here, we must pay taxes on all of our income.

This was not a small surprise, thankyouverymuch.

The conversation led to my landlord (his name is Michael) relating to me a story that reveals how short-sighted entrepreneurs can be, rather than looking at the lifetime value of a client.

He was looking for an accountant.  My next-door neighbor recommended one in Lake Oswego, an affluent suburb of Portland.

Michael secured an initial appointment with the accountant, who, for an hour-and-a-half counseled him about how high the taxes were in Portland and that the first thing Michael needed to do was move himself and his business out of the City of Portland.

It was a lot to digest, so after the consultation he went home.

Several days later, Michael received a bill in the mail for $250.  Shocked, he called the accountant’s office to ask why he’d been charged for a free consultation.  There must be some mistake.

“Only the first 1/2 hour is free.  After 30 minutes have elapsed, you are billed at our regular rate.”

“What?  Why wasn’t I informed?  Besides, it was you who kept me that long in the office.”

Round and round they went, and — completely disgusted and fed up — my landlord eventually sent them the $250.

What an unfortunate experience.  Caught up with demanding this one-time $250, it obviously didn’t cross the accountant’s mind to calculate the lifetime value of this client.  Additionally, didn’t he realize this was a referral?  Landing him as a client was practically in the bag!

I’m not saying that a professional should give away their expertise.  In fact, some folks are of the opinion that you should never (or very rarely, at most) give free consultations.

But, clearly mistake #1 was lack of clarity about what was free and what carried a fee.  Have you similarly run into problems because you were wishy-washy, unclear, or didn’t even know your own policies with regard to fee versus free?

Even if in this instance it had been Michael who had been mistaken, this accountant lost a potential client-for-life (including any referrals my landlord might’ve sent him) by failing to look at the larger picture.  By making Michael wrong and subsequently losing his business, the accountant made mistake #2.

Not only will my landlord think twice about listening to my neighbor in terms of who she refers, but she herself will probably be reluctant to send referrals to this accountant again.

Oops.  Mistake #3:  tarnishing the reputation of the source of the referral.

Had Michael actually told me the name of this accountant (as most people who have bad experiences with service providers usually do), even more damage would have resulted from his short-sighted Ego-driven behavior.

As it happened, Michael merely cautioned: “Don’t do your taxes with anyone in Lake Oswego!”

Where in your business have you inadvertently made similar short-sighted mistakes?

When you choose to be concerned about the dollars and not the pennies, you’ll naturally seek to honor and add value to your referral partners, to your clients, and to your potential clients.

- – -
flickr image by Chris Halderman, Attribution No-Derivs 2.0 Generic Creative Commons license

Many of those same folks will also admit (if only in secret!) that their own networking efforts have not yielded the results they expected or hoped for.

I believe there are at least 6 reasons they are sabotaging their networking success.  Do you see yourself committing any of these networking sins?

1. They go to the wrong meetings (AKA “The Shotgun Approach” to Networking)
   There really are no “wrong” networking meetings; there are just those that are wrong for you.  Most people attend various groups without a rhyme or reason or plan.  Like a shotgun that messily scatters bullets everywhere, this approach to networking rests solely on chance and hope, rather than on a system.This is ineffective, time-consuming, and expensive.
2. They go to Speed Networking Events
   Speed Networking is all about Me, Me, Me, as everyone is trying as fast as they can to give their boring elevator speech (which in most cases is a complete waste of time, since people still don’t get what you do even after you’ve told them).  The problem is that your ideal prospect is also concerned about Me, Me, Me.  While they are repeating their elevator speech in their head over and over again to make sure they don’t mess up, they aren’t even listening to you tell yours.How many times have you come home with a handful of business cards of people you don’t even remember who they are?

   As far as I’m concerned, Speed Networking is like flushing your money down the toilet.

3. They confuse Networking Events with Referral or Leads Groups
   Leads groups generally are restricted to one representative from each business category, though this is not always the case.  There are variations on the format of their meetings, but for the most part, there primary reason for existence is for the purpose of passing referrals or leads.  In fact, it is a requirement of membership that everyone generate referrals for each other.

   Networking Events should be about starting and continuing a meaningful conversation.  Ideally, Referral Groups would be concerned with relationship-building, but normally this isn’t the upfront focus, whereas effective networking puts the building of a relationship front-and-center.

4. They don’t know how to introduce themselves and what they do in a compelling way
   How many times have you asked someone what they do and one of the following occurs:  (1) They finish talking and you still have absolutely no idea what they do or who they do it for; (2) You do have a sense of what they do, but they talk on and on and on while your eyes glaze over and you silently wonder how you are going to get away from them; (3) They do 15 different things.

   Any one of these scenarios is ineffective, at best, because it’s confusing.  A confused mind always says ‘No.’

   As for doing 15 different things, there’s nothing wrong with having multiple interests and ways you help people.  They problem is that no one believes anyone is an expert in everything.  An entrepreneur who is a one-stop shopping center is not a key differentiator.

5. They think they are supposed to be selling at the networking event
   Why put pressure on yourself and the people you interact with?  Networking is about initiating and continuing a value-based conversation, not about selling your product or service.  This should be the goal of all of your marketing efforts, of which networking is a subset.
6. They don’t follow up, or they don’t follow up enough (or even know how to follow up)
   This last one is pretty self-explanatory.  Without a specific system of follow-up in place, most people are probably not following up enough.  Follow-up should also be value-based.

When you correct these basic “networking sins” one-by-one, and nurture the contacts and relationships you make at networking events, you’ll see your efforts bear fruit faster and easier ever than before.

So, in which of these areas can you improve your networking skills, starting today?

I have felt this way, at times.  It reminds me of back when I studied Theatre at University, we considered Théâtre de l’Absurde (Theatre of the Absurd), which basically posited that the Universe is godless and that Life (in our existence as humans) has no meaning.

Playwrights who wrote from this philosophy that jump to mind include Samuel Beckett (Waiting for Godot, Endgame), Eugene Ionesco (The Bald Soprano), and even Charlie Chapman (who wrote, acted and directed for film).

It’s easy when we are just plugging along and we are unable to see the fruits of our labors in the moment to feel that “It” is all futility and meaninglessness.

Let me tell you about someone I met a few years ago (circa 2007), who’s experience I think about whenever I’m feeling a little weary:

So, when I was a kid, I couldn’t resist a good dare.  Even now, I have to think twice.

But, can you imagine yourself as a 6-year-old playing around an electrical substation and then deciding to climb into it — on a dare?

Worse, can you imagine subsequently being shocked by 17,000 volts that effectively stopped your heart, falling on your chest and miraculously defibrillating yourself?

What if you lost your right arm as a result?

That’s something I can’t imagine, but it’s exactly what happened to Jason Quick, who has an inspirational act where he juggles knives, tennis balls, and rubber chickens.

Quick is not just a lucky survivor.  He’s still here for a reason.

“I was given a gift growing up.  I was supported in not giving up on myself.  My mom was in on that gift, and my dad, my grandparents and some of my teachers.  I want to let people know there are amazing things they can do if they don’t give up on themselves.”

What an inspiring example Quick is.

But the real lesson — whether you have all of your limbs or not — is what an inspiring example you are.

Do you know that?

If you’re having trouble, how would you show up differently in your life if you did know how amazing and inspiring you are?

Do you want to see Jason perform?  This YouTube video is just under 10 minutes:

- – -
“Never Give Up” flickr image by Frerieke, used under a Creative Commons license

“The most important words we say all day are the words we say to ourselves, about ourselves when we are alone by ourselves.”

Boy, isn’t that the truth.

Our mind is going a mile a minute, and since we are often our own worse critic, it’s easy to let our mind fill us up right quickly with how silly, stupid, ignorant and dumb we are.

That reminds me….I have to thank a dear friend (and former client) of mine, Whitney Dickinson-Anderson who once caught me in the act of self-deprecation.

I don’t remember what I’d done or said to provoke the comment, but in response I said something like “That was stupid.  Shut up, Tshombe.”

“Don’t say that,” Whitney said.

“Oh, sorry.  I wasn’t telling you to shut up.  I was telling me to shut up.”

“That’s what I mean.  Don’t tell my friend, Tshombe, to shut up.”

Wow.  What a lesson.  I would never tell anyone else they were stupid or tell them to shut up.  Why would I treat myself so poorly?

I just opened to Denis Waitley‘s short essay entitled “The Most Important Meetings You’ll Ever Attend Are the Meetings You Have with Yourself,” which is one of a hundred other articles compiled and edited by David Riklan in a collection called 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life.

One of Denis Waitley’s treasures include this thought:

Be aware of the silent conversation you have with yourself.  Are you a nurturing coach or a critic?  Do you reinforce your own success or negate it?  Are you comfortable saying to yourself “That’s more like it.” “Now we’re in the groove.”  “Things are working out well.”  “I am reaching my financial goals.”  “I’ll do it better next time.”

Yes, it’s easy to get bogged done in what’s not working, but starting down that path is a never-ending downward spiral.  One of the keys to mastering our mind (rather than it having mastery over us) is to choose to focus on what is working and do more of that.

Along a similar vein, I had a discussion with a man who did not like the town where he was living.  He felt stuck there, with no quick way out, and found himself depressed and frustrated.  This person was on a list that would allow him to move to a larger city with more resources, but since he was number 40 on the list, it could be months or even years before he made it to the top of the list.

You probably can relate to feeling stuck in a certain situation and seeing no easy way out.

I asked him what he liked about this town.  After a very short time, he came up with several things that he not only liked, but loved (his word) about the town.  Not only that, we came up with several creative ways he could do more of what he loved and help others at the same time.

You could see the light bulbs of possibility come on!

He released himself of his limited worldview and found in its place freedom and joy.  His life situation was no longer a place to feel frustrated or stuck.  Instead, he learned to focus on what’s-working-energy, releasing himself from the prison of his mind.

What words are you saying to yourself?

Are you concentrating on what’s amazing about you and what is working in your life?

- – -
Image Credit:  Self-portrait (“mono“) of Victor Bezrukov, used under a Creative Commons license

December is always Member Appreciation Month, so a few years ago (2007) we hosted Motivational Speaker, Bonnie Dean, as a special treat for the members.

She had many powerful things to say about lifting people up and the tremendous power of honoring the greatness we see in others (and ourselves) at every opportunity.

The concept that really stuck with me was to think of ourselves as human highlighters by proactively looking for here we can bring out the best in people.

We use highlighters to emphasize, make something stand out.  We highlight things that are important to us, that we want to draw attention to.

In a world Bonnie describes as “high tech and low touch,” seeking what is wonderful about others and then telling them so is the beautiful way of inspiration.

Sometimes it’s easier to consistently see what is good and wonderful about strangers than with the people we’re most intimate with, like our own family. . . or even with our most valued clients, colleagues, referral partners or employees.

Esther Hicks addresses this concept with the advice to “orientate yourself to the best part of those people around you.”

She suggests getting a notebook and making a list of all of the positive aspects of the people you spend a lot of time with.

The result?

“The things you like the most about them, those people will become that mostly to you.”

I think this may be most powerful when we find ourselves in the company on a regular basis that we find frustrating, annoying, or stressful to be around.

Consciously embracing the idea of being a human highlighter — deliberately enumerating what is great and wonderful about other people in your sphere of influence and concentrating on those things (and even telling them about those things) — changes the focus from stress to joy, even respect and appreciation.

I love the way Esther Hicks sums up the matter (I’m not sure that I have the quote exactly right, but the essence is there) in a segment from The Secret.  It’s great, because sometimes we destroy or sacrifice our own joy by being consumed with the notion that we are somehow dependent on others in order to be happy.

“If you knew your potential to feel good, you’d ask no one to be different so you could feel good.  You would free yourself of all that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world or control your mate or control your child.  You’re the only one who creates your reality.  It’s all you.  Only you.”

Don’t you agree that Esther’s approach is more refreshing?

How in your life are you a human highlighter?  How can you more consciously operate in the world from this perspective?

- – -
Image by Quinn Dombrowski, used under a Creative Commons license (Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic)

I bet no one’s ever asked you that question before!

If you’re looking to influence change in yourself or in anyone else, knowing the difference makes ALL the difference in the world.

Listen to this short audio (4 minutes, 42 seconds) I recorded to discover which one you are — Rock or Bird — and its implications for creating change that is natural, easy, and (nearly) effortless.

_ _ _
Image by Juan Tello, used with permission under a Creative Commons License

I rode my bike downtown today (Portland’s Pioneer Place) to purchase a new power adapter for my now pretty old school 17″ PowerBook G4.

When I walked in the store, it was PACKED.  I don’t think I’ve seen an Apple Store so packed with loyal disciples!

So, I walk through the crowd and before I get to the counter, one of the awesome Apple People ask me what I’m looking for and how can they help me.

When I tell him, he asks a couple of specific questions to make sure he understands what I need and then he goes in the back to get it for me.  While I wait, I drool over everything Apple staring me in the face.

He shortly returns and tells me he can take care of me right there.

What?  No cash register or computer terminal?

He pulls out an iPhone and I stand in awe as he swipes my card and completes the entire transaction right there!

“Would you like me to email you your receipt?”

Can this service get any better?

“May I get you a bag for your purchase?”

“Yes, that would be great, ” I begin.  And then I remember.  “Oh no!  I’m on my bike and I forgot my . . .”

“Oh, we have backpack bags.”

You.  Have.  Backpack bags.

It takes me a minute to pick my face off the floor.

“I Love Apple!” I tell him, wanting to kiss the ground he walks on.

Why didn’t I come to Apple in the first place?

Instead, I search high and low for the best deal on the Internet and wait for UPS to deliver it, only to discover the power adapter they sent didn’t even work.

Damn.

To add insult to injury, I had to report that it was faulty or defective or whatever, package it all back up, and send it back.

Some deal.

At first glance, $79 for a power adapter from Apple appears pretty steep.

For the love I always get whenever I go to the Apple Store (not to mention the fast and friendly service), $79 is the real bargain.

_ _ _

image by Terry Johnston, used with permission under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License

That was fine.  Except that they went on to spend thousands of dollars on an external consultant who offered nearly-identical advice they also failed to implement.

Evidently this is not uncommon.

I’m reading John Jantsch new book,  The Referral Engine: Teaching Your Business to Market Itself, where he describes just such a scenario.

He was hired by a company to design a marketing system for their new insurance agents.  John suggested that they stop telling these newbies to create a call “list of a hundred people they knew” (no matter how much or how little they knew them) and just phone them up to try to sell them.

Everyone in sales — and certainly everyone in Multi-Level Marketing — have been told to do this very thing.

The problem is neither the person selling nor the person on the other end of the phone (likely feeling dread, coercion, or even guilt because they don’t want to hurt your feelings)  enjoys the conversation.

I don’t know whether or not John Jantsch was a household name at the time the firm enlisted his help, but when he suggested new agents take the 100-people-they-know List and “instead of pitching them . . . introduce them to other business, services, and opportunities,” they fired him.

Guess that wasn’t exactly what they wanted to hear.

I’m thinking people don’t really “get” the Give-First Philosophy.  Maybe intellectually, they think they do.  But when the rubber meets the road, the default behavior is to push their products and services to whomever they think needs them.

The other day on a social networking site I belong to, a businesswoman new to the site introduced herself and what she was up to.  Suddenly, another service provider jumped in — he didn’t even say Hello or Welcome — to tell this woman (and presumably the rest of us) all about why she should buy advertising from him.

I call this Show Up and Throw Up Method, and just as it sounds, it’s not very attractive.

Even if this scenario doesn’t describe anything you’d be caught dead doing, it’s a real paradigm shift to go beyond The Golden Rule to what has been referred to as The Platinum

Rule.  Essentially, the Platinum Rule is ‘treating others as THEY would like to be treated.’

In tangible terms, this means that what a person wants may not even be what you’re selling, or even related to what you are selling.

At least not for the time being.

The challenge is to really get to know what your prospects and potential clients want in life and then offer solutions for that.  This may be something you can develop, but oftentimes it is another product, service provider, or resource.

Said another way, the question in all cases that we want to answer is ‘What does my prospect MOST want?’

On page 156 of John’s book, he gives a great example of what he’s talking about:

Suppose you are a CPA who works with small business clients, offers John.  What do they most want?

The natural assumption is that if they are your customers, they obviously want to be able to understand a balance sheet.  However, it’s only when you dig deeper that you come to understand that what they MOST want is “to get more customers and get home earlier in the evening.”

This is when you really begin to tap into the magic of The Referral Engine.  Armed with this knowledge of what you (potential) client want MOST, how can you give it to them?

In this example, how can you help your small business clients to get more customers and get home from work earlier?

Well, maybe you’ve learned through social media how to get more customers and really enjoy this.  “Why not help your customers set up a blog, learn how to use Facebook, or optimize their Web sites for local search?” asks John.

You get the idea?

How does this concept expand your mind about what is possible in your business?  How (and in what ways) will you give up the need to sell, and instead genuinely help your prospects, clients, and customers get what they most want?

—
image by Kevin Lawver, used with permission under a Creative Commons License

I have to admit that when I first began using GoDaddy, the upselling was a little confusing. Now, however, I “get” the routine and even have come to expect it.

In fact, I have even made purchases based on their recommendations, very happy they had made the suggestion.

Not only does GoDaddy earn more money (if I make this additional purchase) than they otherwise would have had they not made the offer, it’s also an amazingly helpful way to offer me more value. This is because the suggestions are based on a very real potential need.

(Additionally, in all the cases I have noted, making the purchase right then would cost less than coming back to make the purchase later.)

I think of when I waited tables, and I frequently upsold my guests on simple things, like appetizers, salads, and desserts. If I was really on my game, I would have been “reading” and engaging my guests before and throughout their dining experience to determine the more relevant items to suggest.

For example, if they had just been out with the family on their boat, sailing on a hot, summer day, they might enjoy a tall, refreshing glass of our fresh squeezed lemonade or ice tea.

Or, maybe they are visiting from Alabama and might like to experience a taste of home: Our Signature Flaky Crust, hot-out-of-the-oven peach cobbler a la mode, made with organic handmade ice cream from a local ice creamery.

If you were my guest and none of the suggestions tickled your fancy, my guess is you wouldn’t be upset that I offered them to you.

But how good would you feel if it was exactly what you wanted?

What a great feeling that someone was paying attention to you, noticing your needs and wants, and offering you relevant solutions!

Our clients come to use for solutions to their challenges. When they complete whatever it is they purchased from us, they usually will not spontaneously ask what else they can buy from us.

This may happen, but it’s not a reliable sales strategy.

Instead, clients are looking to us to have their best interests at heart and to be thinking about ways we can further serve them. They already know and like us, and we’ve already earned their trust. What an inconvenience for them to have to go down the road, do research, ask their friends and colleagues, etc., in order to find what it is they need!

We may have a product or service offering that is just what they need. Or, we may know someone who can support them.

Either way, upselling is serving. It really is a good thing, because rather than withholding something you know can help them, you honor them by giving the suggestion.

Then they can decide whether to say Yay or Nay.

And, the more we appreciate that frame of reference when someone is upselling us, the more our own clients will be inclined to appreciate what it is we are upselling to them.